Sunday, March 22

Five months from today is my 48th birthday. I sure as hell hope I will be out celebrating. That day might look something like this: A family trip to the Book Mill, where we stumble around the rooms perusing used books, me gathering a pile of novels and memoirs, maybe a cookbook or volume of poetry. Sit outside and eat lunch by the Mill River, paging through the new books. Kids doing the same, or wandering nearby. Maybe we will order Thai or Indian takeout for dinner. Or eat in the backyard, something from the grill.

Last year on my birthday, four of us were camping in Vermont. My oldest was on vacation with Sarah and her family in South Carolina. This is what it looks like when sisters raise their kids in communities nearby. When the oldest in one family doesn’t really enjoy camping anymore but the other two kids do, he hops on over and joins the cousins’ trip. Family vacations become blurrier, and successful.

This summer we had hoped to get all of the cousins together. All nine grandkids and GG. We hadn’t yet honed in on the plans yet, and while I’m glad not to have made a deposit that we might have lost, I’m sad that it seems highly unlikely that we will get together at all, that second week of July that we’d been holding for this time.

Next fall, the oldest of the nine — which all came in quick succession over six years — will head off to college. And the waterfall of kids leaving the roost (mixed metaphors, my favorite) will begin. Weren’t they all just toddlers? Weren’t Sarah and I JUST writing about nap times and trips to the playgrounds and the tooth fairy and the challenges of mothering three kids each?

Total worldwide COVID-19 cases: More than 337,000

Total cases in the United States: More than 39,000

Total cases in Massachusetts: 646

Today the girls came with me on my afternoon walk. We strolled and chatted. It was a shorter walk than I usually do. But still a nice break from being at home. It was chilly (38 degrees F!), but the girls didn’t feel it and I was wearing layers. We saw a lot of people, and for the first time since I’ve been doing this route daily I saw people who were not practicing social distancing. Teenagers greeting each other with what I call the “bro hug.” (My kids tease me about this terminology, but it’s definitely a thing and in this case was preceded by a full palm slap.) All jokes aside, I felt furious and scared. I felt powerless against their, what, ignorance? Their feelings of invincibility?

The news cycle is so tricky. All of the early information about this virus being more dangerous to those who are older, who have pre-existing health conditions. We are starting to see more evidence that other populations are also at risk, but those headlines are not as bold, not as frequent, not as hard hitting, not as mainstream? Adolescents’ brains tell them they are untouchable, immortal. They are not. None of us are.

We must all behave as if we have the virus, are carriers that can infect others through close contact. We are not staying at home only so that we do not contract the illness. This is a simple truth. But I fear that until more of us experience the loss of a loved one we won’t fully get on board with the discomfort and inconveniences of living our lives from home and only from home.

We had pasta and salad for dinner. Easy enough. Watched an episode of the The Voice on demand, and I wondered aloud how the virus will or has changed their model. Will they continue to film? Have they already suspended?

There isn’t an area of life that is untouched by this.

Stay safe, everyone.